June 2007

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June 4, 2007 - 13 happy-go-lucky alternatives to "Don't touch my dreadlocks!"

Maintaining soft healthy dreadlocks is not hard to do, especially when you have a maintenance routine in place.

That's right, soft dreadlocks aren't hard to maintain.

I repeat it twice because - obviously - the general public, along with the occasional family member, is skeptical and want to touch my dreadlocks to make sure.

Here are some of the things I've been known to say (some of them in my head only) when asked the inevitable question: "Can I touch your hair?"

What? Are you, like, seven years old?
I'm not a kitten.
Fascinating, hun? You should read the novel.
You own a salon?
Only if I can touch your [insert scandalous body part here].
Why? Is my [wig/toupee/hairpiece] slipping off again?
Lucky for you: I bottled the scent! You can find it at fine retailers everywhere.
The petting zoo is over there...not here.
If you do, you may self-destruct.
Didn't you read the Martha Stewart magazine article? That's a faux pas now.
[Taking out a notebook...] Sign here before you do...it's where all the idiots register themselves.
Invade my personal space then prepare for the real Operation Shock & Awe.
[Blush then look around all coy and embarrassed...] I can't believe you're flirting with me in public like this.

Okay, so a lot of those weren't really "happy-go-lucky" in the true sense of the term. They do, however, make me happy and the Asker/Groper/Inappropriate So-and-so is quite lucky that I'm at least partially socialized and didn't resort to unspeakable acts.

Have a favorite from this list?

Better yet, send in a favorite line of your own that you use whenever people ask to touch your locks! The only thing you have to remember is to keep the language clean.